I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
