NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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