Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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