saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
