im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
