I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
