It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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