She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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