I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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