New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
