how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
