genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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