just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
