The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
