you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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