Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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