Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
