Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
