That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
