My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
