the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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