i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
