I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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