They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
