Are we in a gay sports bar?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
