I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
