Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
