i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
