i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
