I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
