I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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