I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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