I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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