Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
