Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
