woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
