I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
