Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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