just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
