The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
