youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
