My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
