two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
