Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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