you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
