i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
