Joe is yelling at the trees again.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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