He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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