i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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