I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
