i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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