wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
