dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
