return my video game
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
