dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize