we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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