He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
