the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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