So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
