i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
