Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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