I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
