you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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