hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.