Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
