Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
