Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.