Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
