Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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