"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
