I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
last night I used snow as a chaser
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