Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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