1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
