every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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