i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
