You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm passing your future prison.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
