yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
