i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
