Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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