When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
