so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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