there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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