I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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