things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
