dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
